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John to Coach and Liminal-Limbo
Sorry for the length of my message. This is a continuation of my post last week (On Activity Feed- search “Situationship” to get an idea LOL
Just an update as of 5 days ago. So we had our meeting and we acted like nothing happened (we even joked around and teased each other like we usually do ‘like an old married couple’ as they say). However, she stayed a little bit late and I got a sense that she wanted me to leave first before she does. And btw, the workplace we work for is a family-owned biz with less than 5 people and both she and myself are close friends with the owner (so the owner KNOWS the tension that’s going-on between us).
Once my gut-feel told me to leave ASAP and not wait for her to walk her to her car, I immediately did that. (to make sure I dont come off as needy/clingy)
Also this past Saturday, I walked her to her car again and was playfully teasing her (like nothing happened). I even told her with a smirk and said “Don’t worry, I’ll get you next time (kiss)” and she laughed and said “You’re not gonna get me (kiss) next time”. After that quick banter, I quickly hugged her and said bye (cuz I did not see any signs of IOI at that time). @Coach and @Liminal-Limbo , I want to say thank you for reminding me to do that
After that, she still likes/views my all IG stories and my other IG accounts (stories) at this time. Also, I overheard her telling our mutual female friend this past Saturday she can’t go out due to her kids (so I know for a fact that she is not playing games with me).
My question to my fellow SOA members is this: I had asked her out before in the past but she declined it due to her needing to take care of her kids or other stuff. I have walked her to her car last week and got the cheek LOL!
How can I properly escalate things with her? What’s an ideal situation for escalation? Again, your input is appreciated!
5 Comments-
“Don’t worry, I’ll get you next time”
That’s hilarious. I used that on a girl before when I got cheeked. And I was right. Shows an unashamed confidence and desire and an expectation for future interactions.
she laughed and said “You’re not gonna get me (kiss) next time”
You know, this pretty much is an IOI. That’s her reacting to your cocky attitude with some playful resistance. Laughter is a great IOI, especially, in response to cockyness.
Less is more, so great work. You seem to be doing all the right things. You are likely a nice fantasy for her right now.I’ll take you through my thought process. She now knows you have an interest in her. You’ve refused a friendship dynamic. You’ve also pumped her tyres and (I’ve no doubt) made her feel good and desired. (Hey, the first hit is always free.) You asked her out once and she said she was busy. Could be true, could be nerves, likely it’s both and more. Not our concern.
I think the best thing to do is pull that back a little and see if she comes to us. I say this because you stated there weren’t other IOI’s at this point, so we don’t know where she’s at and we sure as hell ain’t gonna ask.
If she thinks the attention is free, she will treat it as worthless and take it for granted.
If she misses it, she will come looking for it.
If she comes looking for it, she will get it.
Real simple.
The ideal situation for escalation is when she is wanting that reaffirmation and hasn’t had it from you freely, and is coming to you for it rather than you going to her.
We open the door, they walk on through.-
Thank you @Liminal-Limbo for the feedback! The good thing with our job right now is that I am on-call and so does her so its safe to say that I have to pull-back either way.
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You need to create some sexual tension, or additional tension if she’s not ready to go out with you or kiss you. I don’;t recall if I’ve shared this video with you before, but it’s all about creating tension: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46yjErBV99A
Flirting, sexual tension, playful teasing her are all how you create/raise attraction…or at least how you know if you”re wasting your time or not. You don’t HAVE to wait for IOIs, but that’s where you’ll have the best success. Girls love it when men are bold & take what they want (within reason of course).
Also, if she’s rejecting you asking her out, don’t ask her anymore…tell her. EG: “You & I are going out Saturday. Make sure you find a babysitter.” Or just sneak it in there, perhaps after work…”C’mon! Let’s go to [this place]”
I think you need to be a bit more assertive. A lot of times when a man likes a woman he’s afraid to offend her or scare her away by being a little assertive, but women like that in a man.-
Hi @Coach ! Yes and thank you for resharing this video
I watched the video prior as a refresher and It actually helped me raise some attraction last Saturday. Going back to what Liminal mentioned previously, it helped her loosen up a little bit leading up to me and her having a playful banter with her when I walked her to her car last Saturday.
I did something similar before when I was assertive last December and gave it a hard-push but she told me that because of her daughter’s medical condition (autism), she can’t go with me on that same night I asked her out. Btw she has 4 kids…
And because she had denied me before in December and when I asked her out that same night last week (the day I walked her to her car and got the cheek), I have a high probable chance of encountering the same thing. It will come down to three things, 1. Make another move (i.e steal a kiss) or 2. Be patient with her and outwait her or 3. Be Assertive and push for a date the same night.
Last option is to just let it go and let her come back to me and then I escalate…
Your thoughts?-
Anytime you’re dating or interested in a woman with kids it’s always going to be extra difficult. This is one of the reasons many coaches recommend against single mothers. Personally, I’m not against dating single mothers, but yes, it’s extra difficult. So I recommend all three of what you mentioned; create the moment & steal a kiss, be patient with her (but not TOO patient or she’ll that she has you wrapped around her finger), & be a bit more assertive with her…even a little overconfident.
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