Using the law of attraction in relationships is very effective, however it’s not as simple as it seems. There is quite a bit to it and it takes understanding, intense focus and emotional self control. In this article I’m going to attempt to break it down into the simplest terms to get you started, and if you’re interested in learning more I highly recommend that you begin by checking out some videos by Abraham Hicks.

Law of Attraction in Relationships

Basically, the law of attraction says that you get what you focus on. If you’re focused on your happiness, you attract more happiness. If you’re focused on all that is wrong in your life, you will attract more doom and gloom. Typically when things are going well, they just keep getting better; sometimes to the point where you can’t believe how lucky you are. It goes the other way too. When it seems like everything is falling apart all around you, it keeps getting worse. It’s not luck, it’s the vibrational focus you’re putting out into the Universe.

How does the law of attraction in relationships work? You do this by applying the same concept I mentioned above into your romantic relationships. Have you ever noticed that when you’re really trying hard to find a mate you rarely do, but as soon as you stop looking somehow they practically fall right into your lap? Or that once you find an ideal mate, suddenly everyone is interested in you? That’s because when you’re focused on what you don’t have, you get more of that. When you’re focused on your own happiness in your day-to-day life you’re no longer focusing on your lack of a mate, even though the strong desire is still there.

One of my favorite relationship experts, Coach Corey Wayne, often tells the story of when he was in race car driving school. There, students are taught that when a driver looses control of the car they are to focus on where they would like the car to go, as opposed to what they don’t want to hit. It’s the same basic concept as the law of attraction; focus on what you want and not on what’s absent in your life, or what you don’t want.

Applying Law of Attraction in Relationships

Whether you’re trying to win an ex back or attract the cute girl in the cubicle next to yours, the law of attraction in relationships will absolutely work if applied correctly. It mostly has to to do with your thoughts and the vibrations you’re putting out into the Universe. You must get into the right mindset before the law of attraction will work for you. I say this because most people want it to work for them before they begin the process, like being paid before you do the work.

You want to align your thoughts with who you truly are. You will know the difference by the way you’re feeling emotionally. When you’re feeling happy, your thoughts are in the right place. When you’re feeling negative emotion, you’re focused on the wrong things.

Dream about what you want. Expect to get what you want. Believe in it. Then, let go of the need to control the situation.

The idea is to take inspired action, rather than forced action. Because when you force it, it causes resistance and that causes frustration and negative emotion. Instead of paddling upstream and fighting that resistance, you want to drop the paddles and let the stream carry you. Go with the flow, if you will. When that negativity creeps in, change your thoughts by turning your focus onto the things that make you happy. You can turn your focus to anything; goals, sports, hobbies, children, family/friends, etc.

By focusing on your own happiness you’re creating love for yourself. That feeling of being in love, whether it be with your life or another person, is to be truly aligned with who you really are. This is an extremely attractive quality in anyone.

Do Not Focus on Specifics

You do not want to focus on a specific person or outcome. Attachment to expectations cause disappointment and suffering. You want to focus on the qualities of a desired mate rather than the potential mate themselves. This does help quash the attachment a bit, which will keep you happier and focused on the positive much more. So, every day, try to imagine yourself in this amazing relationship. Imagine holding hands, making out, going to events together, laughing, playfully teasing each other, making dinner together, snuggling on the couch…really whatever you deem to be the relationship of your dreams. Keep it up daily and the right person will come and want to do all those things with you. Yes, it sounds too good to be true, but it will happen. Remember what I mentioned above; it’s about taking inspired action, rather than forced action.

How to Begin Using Law of Attraction

Some people use meditation, some write down their affirmations and some use white-knuckle focus. Personally I recommend writing down your affirmations, at least to begin.

Grab a pen and paper to get started. I recommend you do not do this on your computer or phone, because our thoughts and ideas tend to sink in better when we invest both our mind AND body. Write down everything you want in your ideal romantic partner; physical appearance, personality, values, goals, etc. After you have completed your list, refine it by picking the top 10 qualities and rewrite them down another sheet of paper.

On a separate sheet of paper, write down how you want to feel everyday. As an example, today I will feel happy that it’s a new day to follow my dreams, I’m grateful for the the people in my life and the material things I have acquired through my hard work…and so on. Again, refine this list to where it makes sense for you.

Begin a third list by writing down and refining what you want out of life, no matter how ridiculous it may sound. Write down all your goals, hopes, dreams, etc.

Read your every morning before you tackle the day. Bring your list(s) with you to work or school and re-read them when you have time, throughout the day. When your mind begins to wander to all the negative things in your life, pull out your list(s) and read them again. The idea is to get your thoughts focused on all you want out of life and not what is absent or going wrong. Then letting go of the need to control it. They call this the “art of allowing”.

Go for what makes you happy only! Do not settle for second best!

Isn’t This Selfish?

Short answer, no. Think about it. Is your happiness selfish? Is wanting the best for yourself selfish? Does the way you feel matter? Do you see how ridiculous that is?

Of course most people will think you’re selfish, but it’s actually them who are selfish for trying to stop you from finding happiness. It’s their manipulative way to try and control you. When most people say, “you’re so selfish!” What I’m hearing them say is, “How selfish of you to not do what I want you to do!” See what I mean? Who’s really the selfish one? So, don’t worry about what other people are saying or thinking. It’s not their life to live. If they prefer second best, let them live the mediocre life they have chosen.

Does Law of Attraction Really Work?

Of course it works! Before I even discovered the law of attraction I can see where it’s worked in my life, looking back. And I continue to use it to this day! Some of the most successful people in the world use it daily, and it has helped them to get where they are today. Above, I linked to a video of Oprah Winfrey talking about using the law of attraction; Tony Robbins uses and preaches it, even fighter Conor McGregor uses it! If you dig a bit, you will find many titans of industry and celebrities use it all the time, and if they use it in their business and professional life I can assure that they use law of attraction in relationships as well.

If you need some help applying the law of attraction in relationships to your life  please visit my coaching page and book a one-on-one email coaching with me and we will get things pointed in the right direction for you.

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Do you have a question about your relationship? Send me a message of 2-3 paragraphs explaining your situation for a response. I may also use it in an upcoming post (your privacy will be respected). I must respond to my paying clients first, however. If you would like an immediate response please see my coaching page.