You must have patience with women

Your Patience With Women Will Pay-Off

You must have patience with women by giving them the time and space to come to you, at their own pace. I know this can be very difficult sometimes, when you’re emotionally engaged and want things to happen right now. You want her to respond to your text now, you want her to agree to a date now, or you want to be in a relationship with her now. The thing is, women are much more patient about these sort of things. In most cases, they’re not in any rush to get to the finish line the way men are.

Most of you that I talk to ask me questions like, “Why doesn’t she want a relationship?”, “Why won’t she make dates?” “Why hasn’t my ex reached out yet?” “How come she hasn’t slept with me yet?” The answer to all those questions is because she’s not ready for that yet. When you’re trying to force things along, or manipulate the situation, you’re really only making things worse and causing them to move slower.

You must have patience with women

Impatience Communicates Neediness

This is one of the biggest issues men struggle with, including myself. I used to be so impatient with just about every aspect when it comes to women and relationships. At the time, I had no idea how much this was hurting my game. I was impatient about the amount of time it took her to respond to my calls or texts, or how long it was taking to make it an exclusive relationship. I was impatient about the whole process, from getting her number to relationships, and everything in between. Looking back, it was really no wonder that women were reluctant about getting involved with me.

When you’re trying to push things along at YOUR pace, it’s actually causing her to feel uncomfortable. The guys who do this are also the same guys that become controlling, abusive or turn into stalkers. Your impatience communicates your neediness. You feel that you must force her because, deep down, you don’t believe that you’re good enough for her to come to you on her own. I realize that’s a tough pill to swallow for some of you, but if you really think about it, you will see that it’s true. This one of the times when she will begin to back away and become uncertain about you, which is why you must have patience with women. I’m sure that makes sense after learning this.

Relationship Focus = Rejection

Your impatience with women also communicates that you’re relationship-focused. Not only is this feminine energy, which is a turn-off for her, but it’s also handing over all the power to her. She now knows that you want a relationship with her and she’s going to dangle that over your head. She knows that she has you wrapped around her little finger and she’s totally in control. This will only cause you to convey more weakness, as you’re trying to force things. This is yet just another reason why your patience with women will pay-off.

Patience With Women Is Important

If you can train yourself to out-wait her and let her come to you when she’s ready, your relationship is going to be much more effortless and loving. The relationship is also more likely to last much longer. In fact, it’s imperative that you train yourself to have patience with women if you want healthy relationships. It’s all part of having emotional self control and loving her in such a way that she’s feels free. Loving her isn’t about possessing her, it’s about giving her the freedom to come and go as she pleases.

Love is patienceThis is yet another reason why it’s so important that you are focused on your purpose in life; your goals, your passions and having options with other women. Contrary to popular belief, this is much more important than her and having a relationship with her. That’s masculine energy and she will be be much more attracted to you because you are more focused on yourself first. You’re not going to be so concerned about she’s doing or why it’s taking her so long. You’re busy with your own thing. There’s no pressure on her. She feels safe, she feels comfortable. You’re not trying to possess her this way. And when she does choose you, she did it because she feels it, she wants it. It’s not because she was pressured or manipulated into it. It communicates your high value.

I Can Help You

Having trouble maintaining patience with women? Perhaps you are having some other issues with your dating and/or relationships? I can help you. Please visit my coaching page and book private, one-on-one coaching with me. We will get to the bottom of this and get things turned around for you.

Be sure to also check out my recommended reading for further learning about game, women, dating and relationships.

If you’d like to watch my video on this subject, please click here

Do you have a question about your relationship? Send me a message of 2-3 paragraphs explaining your situation for a response. I may also use it in an upcoming post (your privacy will be respected). I must respond to my paying clients first, however. If you would like an immediate response please see my coaching page to book emergency coaching.


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  1. I met Nikky in December last year through a family of hers and her sister who out of her consent gsve me her number so we started chatting on whatsapp calls and texts and we have been in a long distance friendship which I think will lead to marriage once we meet for the first time one day. We discussed my ambitions overtime but she never told me hers She lives outside in Germany while I live in Nigeria. She is a Nigerian based in Germany for a decade. For sometime now Our communication became not good enough. I remembers she tells me many times she wants to see me first before having intimacy with me which I rely on. As time went by she felt pressured by some of her folks to be ready to tie the knot with me soon but she got irritated and threatened she wont continue talking to me again and did but still spy on my activities on WhatsApp while I employed a no contact rule for ten days. I later asked her by text eleven days later why she got so upset with me but she denied it saying she is not upset with me. I heard since August she is visiting home this December for her best friend’s wedding but never informed me till now and I have decided to wait till then and see if when she comes in, she will use that opportunity for us to meet for the first time and talk and that if she doesn’t contact me when she comes home, then i should loose my long patience and move on. She is coming home December as i heard. I have got plans seeing her one day in Germany too. But as regards what i said above, What do I do?

    1. At this time you’re really doing all that you can do; letting her come to you. It seems that she is feeling pressured to marry you, which is causing her to dig her heels into the ground. You cannot control what her family does, but you can take the pressure off of her, which will make it a lot more likely that she will come to you on her own free will. When she makes contact with you, make sure you’re clear in your intent & interest in her, but also give her the freedom to make her own choice. In other words, you ant her, but you do not need her. You also want to make sure that your attitude when interacting with her is fun, light & playful.

  2. So there’s this girl I met on a dating app, and we’ve had a rocky start (I’ve had to apologize for acting like an asshole, and saying several dumb things, a lot of time). We only just started talking about a month ago. We haven’t met yet, she’s like 2hrs drive away from me. I’d really like to have something with her at some point. I’m a really impatient person, and my insecurities keep clouding my head/mind and I keep doing dumb things. Is there anything I can do to fix the spoilt start and be on the right part this time around.

  3. I mean men want to get what they want when they want it, why do we have to play the game by female rules ? I mean its just sad you know. I know I’d have to learn to be more patient if I’m going to have and keep a meaningful relationship, but it just hurt that I can’t be me, to get a girl. I’d have to learn or feign patience.

    BTW, I’ve never shot a successful shot ever!, I keep pushing too hard

    1. Well, patience is important. In fact, this used to be one of my biggest struggles as well, & at times it still is. Women need time & space for their feelings/attraction to grow. Most men believe that the more time they spend with a woman the more her feelings grow. They do to an extent, but it’s their affection that grows, not attraction. Their attraction for a man comes from his masculine presence along with their feminine presence. It’s that polarity that causes that passion where you can’t keep your hands off each other, where you’re dying to see each other; the passion. So, as much as many men hate hearing this, it’s your ability to understand & embrace your masculine energy. Sadly, for decades society has been trying to condition that masculinity out of men, leaving both men & women very confused & unhappy. With this girl you like, you want to stop apologizing (unless you actually did something wrong, like hurt her in some way) & take the lead here. But, you must lead at HER pace. So, contact her & tell her you want to see her & then ask her when she’s free (this is a very confident & masculine way to set up a date). Then, as the man, it’s your job to plan it all out. Women just want to look hot & show up; they expect the man to take care of all the logistics. If she rejects your invite or seems to be on the fence, then simply tell her to get in touch when she wants to get together or when her schedule clears up. Then you don’t contact her until she initiates with you. Your only job at this stage is to arrange dates, have fun with her & gently lead your interactions with her into the bedroom. I realize that’s likely the opposite of what society has taught you, but just try it…what have you got to lose, right? I don’t know if you’ve taken a look at my YouTube channel, but I have close to 200 videos at this point & I’m sure a lot of them will answer some of your general questions & give you the fundamentals of how to build attraction with women.

  4. This is one of the best articles I read about neediness and being patient. Just wanted to say this on the record. I’ve read tons of dating books, follow lots of dating coaches and I’ve dated hundreds of girls over the years. The advice given in this article is spot on people.

  5. See, I’ve met this gorgeous girl a few weeks ago and I took her on a (short) day time date this week. She gave me lots of signals she liked the date and she liked me.. she lingered around when we said our goodbyes and asked me in an adorable shy way if she could give me a hug (not that common in covid19 infested times).
    I texted her today, asking her if she’s free next week and she replied that she would rather chill and relax because the past week has been so hectic, but she proposed to go on a date the week after..
    Lots of dating coaches and self proclaimed alphas would tell a guy that this is low interest and that I should leave it at this. However, I’ve seen this kind of behavior before. There could be lots of reasons why she doesn’t feel like meeting up. She could be on her period and yes, lots of girls don’t enjoy an important date where they know there could be kissing and more to be during their period. So they suggest a later date. Or she could be testing, to see if I get needy and impatient. She did suggest another date, so there is some interest.
    Be patient with women guys. If a girl doesn’t wanna meet, she won’t meet you, but as long as she’s replying to your texts and has the intention of meeting you, you should take the opportunity to show the girl that you’re not in a rush, have your own life and will be patient. She will come to you if she feels like it. You can only blow it by not giving her the space that she wants.

    Keep it up.


    1. I would say that it’s most likely a test. Most women do something like this in the very early stages of dating, when she realizes that she kind of likes the guy & now she wants to see what he’s made of before she invests too much. Thinking back, almost every woman I’ve gotten involved with has pulled something like this. If you just brush it off as no big deal, & don’t chase after her or try to convince her, then just try again at a later time/date, she will most likely give you an enthusiastic “yes” the next time to arrange a date.

  6. Thanks for your reply mister Peterson. I’m pretty sure she’ll go on a date with me in 2 weeks. She’s been liking all of my social media posts and texted me again to make sure I’ll ask her again in a week. I didn’t reply to that text. Let her think about me a bit. Women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear, right? I’ll probably ask her out after 5 or 6 days. Thanks again.

    1. It all sounds like her interest is rather high…she’s giving you a lot of signs of that. And yes, a woman feeling uncertainty about where she stands with you will definitely raise her attraction. However, you don’t want to let her dangle for too long, especially in the very early stages of dating where she’s not yet emotionally engaged. You should be okay with that timeline though.

  7. hi i like this girl she got a boyfriend i hit her up she left me on seen. what i dont understand is that she always watches my story sometimes she dont but most of the time she always watch it , she the first one to watch my story even when i dont bother to watch her what should i do what do it mean

    1. I would give it a little time (at least a few weeks) & try reaching out to her one more time. I don’t know what you said to her originally, or if you’ve ever spoke to her prior to this, but you want to approach this with an upbeat & playful attitude–flirt with her a bit–but, don’t spend too much talking or trying to warm her up. I’m sure she at least has an idea that you’re interested, so don’t beat around the bush…make it clear why you’re reaching out & arrange a date with her. If she rejects you or makes an excuse why she can’t, don’t take it personal or get angry. Politely accept it & simply tell her to get in touch if she has a change of heart. Then assume that you will not hear from her anymore & get back out there meeting/dating new women. However, handling it this way will greatly increase the chances that you WILL hear from her again. There are no guarantees though. That’s really all that you can do.

  8. No I never spoke to her only saw her in person few times and all i said to her was hi how you doing the thing is that she got a boyfriend so I’m guessing in my mind that the reason she did not reply but yeh like I said I never ever hit her back up cause she got a boyfriend i can’t tell her to keep in touch when she got a change of heart since never spoken to her to know her and she left me on seen the first time I said hi to her all she do is watch my story alot but never comment or say hi to me I want to know do this mean she interested and like me for her watching my story alot and reason i dont talk to her again is because i dont want to be left on seen knowing that she is taken should I wait untill she single better to hit her up again what you think i should do and what u think about this ?

    1. She clearly has some interest in you if she’s watching your stories, but there’s no way to know if it’s romantic interest at this point. It’s best to look for an opportunity to talk to her; maybe she comments on your stories or you see her in person so you can spark some attraction in her. I made a video on how to tell a woman that you like her:

  9. The only way I will hit her up is if she ever comment on my story I never comment on her post because she doesn’t to mind but clearly I’m guessing all of this is because she got a man I’ll play it cool wait till she single there I would talk to her again or if I ever do see her again in person

  10. There is this woman, she was dating a married man from 2020 and then she found out the guy is married, she was heartbroken and then I took her in, she goes home sometimes and still comes back to stay with me but she is saying she is not ready for a relationship, we not having sex or kissing but we leave like a married couple, she cooks for me she takes care of the house, etc but still, she tells me she is not ready for a relationship… The other day I confronted her about the situationship we are in and she told me she sees me as her husband and I am teaching her discipline in life and she is trying to adjust to it.

    I have threatened the guy and I told her about it and in her response, she said she can’t believe someone would do that for her.

    Now I am losing patience.

    1. It’s counterintuitive, but at this point you don’t want to be having logical discussions about this; logic doesn’t turn girls on & it puts her in a position where she has to logically think about where you both stand. Women act on the emotions they’re feeling in that particular moment, then they almost rationalize their actions backwards. So, you want to stimulate her emotionally, take the lead & let her choose you. So, focus on having fun, flirting with her & escalating the sexual tension. Do NOT focus on a relationship or commitment with her; that’s her job & men focusing on that will actually turn a woman off. So, get her flirting with back with you. When she does, that’s more or less a green light to take things to the next step. That step is a date…but don’t ask her to take her on a date, tell her that you’re taking her out. As an example, “Don’t make any plans for Friday night, I’m taking you out”. Women really like this dominant, assertive way of how men take the lead. When you’re on your date, again just focus on having fun with the goal of gently leading her into the bedroom with sexual tension, making moves (ie: non-sexual touching, going in for a kiss, etc). Actually that’s the”formula” for men: getting her out on dates, having fun & leading (not pressuring or forcing) her to the bedroom. When & if she’s ready, SHE will turn it into a relationship. Be careful that you don’t get angry or too frustrated at the pace she’s going; women set the pace, men set the tone. I do have some great articles here, but I also have a bunch of videos that can help you understand what turns women on & what turns them off on my YouTube page:

  11. Hi Erik,

    I wasn’t sure what to do, cause just like most guys here, I’m in this situation with a girl where I’m not sure where it’s going, but I do really like her. I met her at work, I started a new job about 7-8 months ago and she’s one of my new colleagues. We instantly got along, but she was dating someone at that point (a girl actually, she’s bi), so I never gave it a second thought.
    Fast forward a few months, she broke up with her girlfriend cause she was too jealous and too controlling. We start meeting up more regularly, like once every two weeks and then even once a week, always having lots of fun, never a dull moment, always conversation and lots of laughs. Always a bit flirty too, but as we work together, I was a bit wary to not go too far. Then suddenly at the beginning of May, she invites me over for dinner at her place, and of course, just when her roommates aren’t there. We hit it off really hard, that night I stayed over, then two nights later again. The day after that I left for Mexico for 20 days and we stayed in touch every day.
    Now, I have a history of becoming quite intense when I like someone, and I really like her. So she told me afterwards that some of the things I said and did, made her take a step back. We talked about it about two weeks ago cause I wanted to get things off my chest, and the conversation went quite well I thought at first. She said it wasn’t a one time thing, she does really like me but she’s confused. The reasons for this are, she’s not looking for something serious (although it has crossed her mind when we spent those nights together) and she just got out of a bad relationship. She’s also more or less seeing another girl, but it’s not serious. I’m having difficulties handling it, although it’s a lot better than other times, but the last conversation I had with her I went as far as proposing just a physical relationship (I’m an idiot), that didn’t help at all. There was a connection between us when we slept together, she told me, but she got spooked and took a big step back. We still get along but we’ve been talking a bit less than before (although after reading your article, I have nothing to complain about). The thing is, I really want to be patient with her and not yet give up, show her I’m willing to take all the time she needs. We’re very similar, have the same interests, and always have a great time when we’re together. We had an official date a couple of weeks ago and it was great. Today is her birthday and I had breakfast delivered at her house. She videocalled me and loved it.
    The thing is, I have messed up so many times in the past because of being too intense, and not being patient enough. With everything I wrote here, do you still think that patience could get things back on track, or might I have ruined it? You think now it’s best to just let her take the first step?
    Sorry for the very long text.

    1. Having patience will certainly help, but it’s more about your mindset. You’re seemingly focused on having a relationship with her. It’s okay to want one, but as a man you cannot be focused on it or it will absolutely drive her away. Why? Because being relationship focused is feminine energy; that’s her job. Plus it comes across as neediness. Women despise neediness, as well as, too much feminine energy in’s a total turn-off. What you should be focused on instead is actually quite simple; getting her out on dates, having fun, & gently leading the interaction into the bedroom. That’s it. When/if she’s ready for more she will say, but it will most likely come in the form of a hint. As an example, when she’s ready for exclusivity she will most likely say things like, “What are we?”, “Where is this going?”, :Are you still seeing other girls?”, etc. At that point all you have to say is, “Are you saying that you would like to be exclusive?” If she says yes, then you’re in. Anything before she brings it up is just casually dating. The idea is to go at her pace. This video of mine will help you understand better:

  12. I hooked up with this girl at my party a few weeks ago. We clicked straight away after meeting for the first time. I took her number during the night and spoke to her via text briefly the following day. She replied fairly quickly at first, but her replies got longer. I have already managed to secure a definite date with her, but this was for weeks in advance and since arranging j have not spoke to her as much. I’m ok with this, I’ve been focusing on my goals, career, working out etc. But for sure it is testing me. The convos have been fun, playful and flirty and am keeping mysterious over text still. She has already tested me as when I first tried to set a date, she told me her schedule was busy for the foreseeable, so by using the takeaway she then countered with a specific date she was free. For this, I am pretty confident she is into me. But should I be worried that I have barely heard from her in a week or so?

    1. It’s probably not a big deal. She really has no emotional bond to you yet, so it doesn’t surprise me that she’s not making you a priority. As long as she’s putting in some effort & making herself available I wouldn’t put too much thought into it. Ideally, you want to stay in touch with each other, but keep your texting/talking in between dates to a minimum.

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