When They Say ‘Just Be Yourself’

just be yourself

“Just be yourself” is probably the most common bit of dating and relationship advice given out. Think about how many times you have asked someone, especially another woman, the best advice they can give you for improving your approach with women and they respond, “Just be yourself”. I know I’ve heard that phrase just short of a million times when growing up and wondering, “what the hell is that supposed mean?” I mean, I thought that I already WAS being myself. It wasn’t until I started learning about how attraction works that I really understood what they actually meant with that advice.

Double your dating by being your authentic self

Just Be Yourself Around Women

In the simplest terms, what this means is to always be authentic, be bold and speak your mind without fear. Even if it means that they don’t like you because of it, they WILL respect you.

Women love and respect authenticity in men, mainly because it makes women feel comfortable around them. And when they begin to feel comfortable around you they begin to become more receptive. Women can sense when you’re hiding something from them. They may not know exactly what you’re hiding, but they know something is off. I’ve tried to explain to many men that I’ve coached in the past that women are much more intuitive than us guys and they pick up on these things. They can read it from your body language, your tone of voice and your speech patterns. It’s more than likely not conscious thoughts by them, but they do know when you’re not being genuine and holding back.

If you’re used to holding back and essentially waking on eggshells around women then this can be a scary endeavor at first. You may be thinking, “well, she won’t like me if I say this” or “If I do this it might scare her away”. Yes, those are definite possibilities, but do you really want to build a relationship on a lie? One thing I always tell myself before I say or do something that may be considered controversial in her eyes is, “She’s going to find out sooner or later, so I might as well just come out with it now”. So just practice around friends and I promise it will become easier.

This also may mean that you have to display a bit of vulnerability, which can also be very scary for men. The thing about vulnerability is that it’s an attractive quality to women. They respect it, because it’s equivalent to putting your balls on the chopping block without fear of the consequences. It shows confidence in yourself, which, you should know by now, women also REALLY like in a man.

Say What’s On Your Mind

Are you interested in taking her out or getting to know her? Get her phone number. Do you think her legs look sexy in that short dress? Tell her. You don’t like her favorite music artist? Don’t be afraid to speak up. This doesn’t mean that you act like a creep or a dick. In fact, you should always be trying to put a positive spin on everything, but only as long as it’s your truth.

“No, I don’t like that artist at all. However I do really enjoy this artist! Their first album was amazing! Have you listened to them before?”

You get extra points for being bold. One of the ways attraction grows is when she thinks to herself, “I can’t believe he just said that!”

A majority of men will either be too afraid to say what’s on their mind, and either keep their mouth shut or change their beliefs to match hers. Men do this in hopes that she will like him more this way. However, the opposite will happen. Perhaps not right away, but eventually she will catch on and her attraction for you will plummet. She will start to see that you don’t have the confidence in yourself to speak up or stand up to her, or anyone else for that matter. She won’t feel comfortable around you, and she definitely won’t feel safe. When women don’t feel safe and comfortable around you they become uneasy. Again, their attraction for you begins to drop.

So be authentic, be bold and speak your mind without fear!
Do you have a question about your relationship? Send me a message of 2-3 paragraphs explaining your situation & I may use it in an upcoming post (your privacy will be respected).


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