I know you hear women saying that they’re looking for “nice guys” all the time, but that’s not exactly true. It’s not that they’re lying, it’s just that “nice guys” aren’t what they mean exactly. What they really mean when they say that is; they want a strong, confident masculine man, who is also kind. In fact, one of the first blog posts I wrote is called ‘9 Charming Qualities Women Love in a Man’, and kindness is one of those qualities. And by kindness I mean; being friendly, generous, considerate, compassionate and warm with other people…and animals. However, in the world of dating and women, “nice guys” are something completely different, and it’s a real turn-off to women.

How Men Become “Nice Guys”

A lot of this nice guy behavior comes from societal conditioning trying to get us to behave a certain way, suggesting that our masculine wants and needs are something to be ashamed of. Don’t buy into this, because there are millions of men who are very unhappy throughout their life, largely due to repressing their masculinity. People pleasing and repressing your true, masculine core can result in depression, anger, bitterness, and resentment. It can also lead you down a dark road to alcohol and drug abuse, or lashing out in unhealthy ways. Learn to say no and stand up for yourself! You’ll feel empowered and confident!

I’m a recovering nice guy. Even to this day, sometimes the old nice guy comes out before I catch myself.  What’s important is that you’re aware of it and do your best to correct this behavior. It can be scary at times, when you’re not used to standing up for yourself and your wants and needs. However, it’s an important part of building attraction with women; and to conquer life, in general. Changing your nice guy behavior doesn’t mean that you’re being someone you’re not. Being extra nice and putting hers, or others, needs first, you’re actually not being true to your own wants and needs.

Why Women Are Not Attracted To “Nice Guys”

Does this sound familiar? You’re always telling her how pretty she is, but careful not to sexualize the compliments. You change your opinion to match hers. You’re buying her gifts and flowers or taking her out on extravagant dates. You’re being careful not to say the wrong thing so you don’t offend her or upset her. Always being available to her, or dropping everything respond to her calls or texts right away. These are just a few examples of some behaviors of typical nice guys.

via Instagram: @SkillOfAttraction

Behaving this way, you’re essentially communicating to her that you’re trying too hard to get her to like you. It also communicates that you’re boring, predictable, have little self worth, and you have no balls. What’s worse is, she knows exactly what you’re doing and why. As I keep reiterating throughout many of my videos and blog posts, women are far more intuitive than us guys. You’re trying to come off like you’re interested in her as a person, but she knows what you really want; at least for right now. You just don’t have the balls to take it to the next level. Right away, you’re disqualifying yourself from being her potential mate, because your giving off a friendship vibe.

How NOT To Be Such A Nice Guy

You always want to put forward the lover vibe, especially in the dating phase of the relationship. The friendship between you two comes later, after you’ve been together for a while. Now, of course, this is all if you’ve recently began dating her or have begun showing interest in her. In the case of a long term relationship, these behaviors are still a turn-off. The only difference is that it’s okay to give the friendship vibe here and there. The thing is, the friendship vibe doesn’t increase attraction. It increases affection. Ultimately, you want to increase both, but attraction is most important if you want passion in your relationship. Otherwise, you’ll have a nice friendship, but with no passion.

What women really want is basically what I mentioned before; a strong, confident and masculine man that is also kind. You project this by saying and doing what you want without fear of losing her, or without attachment of an outcome. Even if she doesn’t like it, she’ll respect you. Women have no respect for men who put them up on a pedestal and kiss up to her. You need to stop trying so hard to impress her. Trust me, she’ll be most impressed by you speaking and acting with authenticity.

Women want a man who boldly lives on his terms, confidently goes after what he wants, knows how to have a little edgy, playful fun and wants to take her along for the wild ride. If you can present this version of yourself to her, I promise, she won’t be able to get enough of you. However, you have to happy with yourself and your life for this to come natural to you. Until you get to that point, you may have to ‘fake it until you make it’. Even then, after you practice all this stuff I’m teaching you for a while, it will begin to become natural for you.

I Can Help You

Do you need help with getting yourself out of the friend zone, or keeping yourself from being put into the friend zone? Or perhaps you are having some issues in your dating and/or relationship? Please visit my coaching page and book a private, one-on-one email coaching with me and we will get to the bottom of this and get things turned around for you.

Click here to watch my video on why women are not attracted to “nice guys”

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Do you have a question about this topic or your relationship? Send me a message of 2-3 paragraphs explaining your situation for a response. I may also use it in an upcoming post (your privacy will be respected). I must respond to my paying clients first, however. If you would like an immediate response please see my coaching page to book emergency or monthly coaching.