the difference between attraction vs affection

The Difference Between Attraction vs Affection

There’s a difference between attraction vs affection and most men don’t realize this. The distinction is an important one in having success with women and relationships; it’s really the difference between being the lover vs being the friend. I know if you’re reading this you’re way more interested in being the lover. You see, most guys have this misconception, they’re creating affection when they really want attraction. Affection is what women feel for male friends and those men that hang around and take them out so long that they eventually “fall for him” if he waits long enough. Attraction, on the other hand, is what women feel for the bad boys; the guys where they lay in bed at night thinking and wondering about him.

the difference between attraction vs affection

Mistaking the Difference Between Attraction vs Affection

What most men do when they have interest in a woman is take her out for expensive dinners, buy her gifts, shower her with compliments and brag about their accomplishments and what a great guy they are. Basically they are being the “nice guy” and doing everything they can to prove themselves. They’re trying to show her that they are good boyfriend or potential husband material. Logically this makes sense and it seems like a good idea. It’s what we see in all the movies and TV, isn’t it? That guy always wins the woman of his dreams in the end. However, in reality, what they’re communicating to her is that they are not worthy. They must make up for their lack with money, material things, accomplishments and “nice guy-itis”. This only leads to the friend-zone, where she loves you…as a friend. This is affection, like loving a puppy dog. And she will never feel that gut level sexual attraction for someone like this.

On the other hand, a small percentage of men understand that women are more attracted to guys on an emotional level and how they make them feel, not what they can do for them. These men understand the difference between attraction vs affection. And women feel this attraction for men who see themselves as worthy, combined with a plethora of emotions that are stirred up inside them. Men who can naturally display their self-worth along with humor, mystery, confidence and challenge(among others) can actually create that spark in women whom already find them physically attractive on some level. Heck, when some women find themselves attracted to average looking men on an emotional level, they often begin to find them attractive on a physical level as well. This is attraction.

Romance is a Good Thing

I’m not saying that men who understand attraction never do romantic things for their ladies. In fact, for most women romance is a must! Plus, it’s a lot of fun for both men and women if it’s done in the right way. You don’t want to overdo the romance, otherwise it’s not special and it eventually loses it’s meaning. Sprinkling it in here and there during the courtship is ideal, and as you become a more serious couple. If you’re too romantic in the beginning it becomes expected and predictable, and her attraction for you begins to take a nosedive.

You must be careful not to misuse romance as well. Buying gifts for her doesn’t hold as much significance as, say, planning a picnic. Taking her out for an expensive dinner will not be as memorable to her as inviting her over to cook dinner together. In order to increase her attraction, you must use romance in the right context.

Lovers vs Friends = Attraction vs Affection

There are two types of relationships: friends and lovers. The “friend” type of relationships are nice; however they’re also predictable, have no spark and sexually they’re…meh. But the “lover” type of relationships are passionate and emotional with a LOT of sexual chemistry. Affection is expected, but attraction is exciting!

When men ask most women what they’re looking for in a guy they will usually say “a nice guy”, but deep down they really want a man whom is exciting and passionate. What this all boils down to, when it comes to that deep gut-level attraction is, it isn’t a conscious choice. She either feels it or she doesn’t, and much have it has to do with the way a man approaches the situation.

And that is the difference between attraction vs affection.

I go into more detail about attraction vs affection in this video.


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  1. I really enjoyed this blog (& the previous ones as well) I’m hoping another one will come soon!!! I would like to hold you to one a week?

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