Put into the friend zone

Why You Were Put into the Friend Zone

Ah, the friend zone. Millions of us guys have been put into the friend zone. This is when you’re into a girl, spend time with her and you want something romantic or sexual. She really only sees you as a platonic friend, or like a brother, however. It’s a completely platonic and non-sexual relationship for her. Making matters worse, most guys blame the woman. This only perpetuates them remaining in the friend zone with future women. Most friend-zoned guys feel she’s just stringing them along, or breadcrumbing them, so she continues getting the attention the guy showers her with. That could be true on a subconscious level, but the ultimate truth is that either you put yourself there, or she was just not that into you to begin with. More than likely, she’s just being polite and friendly.

Put into the friend zone

There’s two ways into the friend zone– one, when you start out in the friend zone from the moment you meet this woman that you fancy so much. The other, is to be put there after you had already dated her. It’s one thing when she didn’t feel it for you from the beginning, but quite another when she once had a high level of attraction for you, but she lost it to the point where her interest is only in friendship.

Why You Were Put into the Friend Zone

In the case where you start out and remain in the friend zone, it’s very possible that she just had never felt anything for you. As David DeAngelo made it very clear in both his book and in his teachings; attraction is not a choice. You can’t talk a woman into having attraction for you; no matter how much you like her, no matter what you do for her, nor how strong your feelings are. A woman has to FEEL attraction for you, deep down. It’s not a logical decision. If a woman doesn’t feel it for you from the get-go, there’s not really anything that could’ve changed that. If she were on the fence about you, yes, you could’ve increased your chances had you not behaved in certain ways upon meeting her. But mostly, it has nothing to do with you. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Take it as a learning experience and move-on.

If you were dating a girl and she gave you the “let’s just be friends” speech, this is a direct result of how you behaved towards her. Essentially, the things you did and said during the courtship turned her off to the point to where she felt you didn’t stack up. At one time, she felt that you did stack up, but after some time with you she realized that she made a mistake.

This Is Nature Working

On a evolutionary level, women want strong, confident, masculine men in order to produce the strongest offspring. This all happens subconsciously. She’s not actually thinking these things logically. If you don’t display those qualities to her through your actions and how you communicate with her, she will FEEL you are too weak; ultimately turning her off. When guys find themselves in this situation it’s because they behaved in a way that communicated that he isn’t worthy, or of high value. Most guys do this by trying to be her friend first, and trying to prove his value to her. They display their boyfriend and provider qualities. Women aren’t interested in those qualities, however, until they know a man is masculine and dominant.

Instinctually, women find masculinity and dominance in a man to be very sexually attractive. This will cause a woman to want to mate with him. It doesn’t mean that she will actually start having babies with him, but instinct is telling her to. Again, she FEELS this is her best option to produce the strongest offspring. Only after she feels sexual attraction does she care about boyfriend or provider qualities. To avoid being put into the friend zone, and have your best chance with any woman is to spark sexual attraction first.

I Can Help You

Do you need help with getting yourself out of the friend zone, or keeping yourself from being put into the friend zone? Or perhaps you are having some issues in your dating and/or relationship? Please visit my coaching page and book a private, one-on-one email coaching with me and we will get to the bottom of this and get things turned around for you.

Why She Put You into the Friend Zone


Do you have a question about this topic or your relationship? Send me a message of 2-3 paragraphs explaining your situation for a response. I may also use it in an upcoming post (your privacy will be respected). I must respond to my paying clients first, however. If you would like an immediate response please see my coaching page to book emergency or monthly coaching.


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