How To Build Sexual Tension with Women

To maintain and build sexual tension with women is one of the most important parts of keeping the spark alive and burning hot. Sex isn’t the only thing that keeps a relationship flourishing, but that sexual tension is the key ingredient to keeping her sexually attracted to you. However, sexual tension isn’t the only thing that keeps her sexually attracted to you. There’s other things that she needs as well, including: romance, affection, her ability to feel safe and comfortable with you, among others. So, if you’re thinking that what I’m teaching you today is all it takes to get her to jump in bed with you, you are mistaking. It will, however, help with that. Women need a lot more than just your willingness to sleep with her, in order to get turned on.

how to build sexual tension with women

How to Build Sexual Tension

It’s difficult for men to understand, because we’re so easy when it comes to sex. If we’re physically attracted to her even the slightest bit, and she’s willing, we’re in! Most women, on the other hand, can get sex from whoever the want, just about any time they want; theoretically. So, women are naturally designed to put men through a lot to in order to figure out if he’s worthy or not. She needs to KNOW that you “get it” on some level before she jumps into bed with you. What I’m teaching you are some ways you can begin to build sexual tension right away and get both her interest and attraction to rise!

First, she must already have at least a little interest in you for any of this to work. If she doesn’t have any interest, you might as well be talking to a wall, because you’re going to get the same reaction…nothing. Figure out if she has any interest as soon as possible, so you’re not wasting your time. No matter how high your interest is in her, it won’t matter unless she has some interest in you. I highly recommend that you do all of this, but if you’re still learning, it’s okay. Try one thing at a time to get a feel for it, so you can feel comfortable. These tips are in no particular order and can be used interchangeably throughout the interaction. You must build sexual tension throughout your entire relationship, not just when you first meet her or in the initial dating stages, although it’s most important in the beginning.

6 Ways to Build Sexual Tension

  1. Always remain centered – This is one area where confidence and your wit will really help you. This basically means that no matter what she says or does, it won’t change your demeanor. You always have a great comeback or you have the ability to walk away if she’s showing too much resistance. As a little side note, being able to resist her will create attraction, and of course build sexual tension.
  2. Being mysterious – I go into this a bit deeper in my article about revealing too much, too soon. The idea here is to not reveal too much about yourself. However, you must build a little rapport with her in order for her to feel comfortable around you. You do this by asking her a lot of questions, but fun questions that communicate genuine interest in her, as opposed to bland, interview style questions. When she asks you questions, you want to be slightly elusive with your answers and try to turn the questions back to her. You want to keep her guessing. This keeps you a bit mysterious, at the same time she’s feeling a connection with you because she’s revealing so much about herself to you. I was listening to an interview with an evolutionary psychologist who was talking about a study that shows we feel more connected to people who we’ve shared things about ourselves with, as opposed to the other way around.
  3. Strong Eye Contact – I’m not talking about these intense stares where you never blink. That’s just going to creep her out. I’m talking about communicating you want her by looking into her eyes with confidence and not looking away until she communicates a little submissiveness. If you do it right, her submissiveness will be obvious; she will most likely give you a flirty smile and then look down or away. This is a signal that your dominance is turning her on a bit. You just don’t want to overthink it.
  4. Playful Teasing & Sexual Innuendos – I talk about this a bit in my article, “Girls Find Playful Teasing Attractive”. The idea here is not to be insulting with your teasing, but done in a fun and loving way, similar to how you would tease your bratty little sister. You want to be a little cocky, but a little humorous at the same time, to the point where she’s not quite sure if you’re joking or not. Then you sprinkle in a few low key sexual innuendos for starters and slowly escalate from there. What I mean by low key, is that you don’t want to overdo it, otherwise you come off as creepy. Then you’re out.
  5. Touching – You have to be careful with this one. Much like the sexual innuendos, if you take it too far too soon, you’re going to come off like a creep and any attraction she had for you will deflate like a balloon. Start out with something that communicates your sexual attraction for her, but without being directly sexual. You might want to start off with something like placing your hand on the small of her back for a second or two, then pulling it away. Be cognizant of how she responds. Does she lean into you? Is she moving closer to you? Does she touch you; like, on your arm or something? If she does these things, those are signs that the way you’re touching her is okay and she likes it. It’s a green light to begin escalating your touching.
  6. Creating anticipation – If you can do this right, you will pretty much have her attacking and molesting you. You must understand that women don’t get turned-on like flicking a light switch. It’s more like slowly turning the dial up. You do this by always taking two steps forward, then one step back. I just used the example of putting your hand on the small of her back, then pulling it away. It’s the same concept. You’re basically pushing things just a little, but by backing off it communicates that you have self control. That’s incredibly important to women. One of their biggest fears is a man forcing himself on her. But it’s also kind of a turn-on, because she knows you both want it, however you’re not exactly giving-in. This creates tension. It’s incredibly powerful.

I Can Help You

Do you need help with some ideas on how to build sexual tension with your girl? Or perhaps you are having some issues in your dating and/or relationship? Please visit my coaching page and book a private, one-on-one email coaching with me and we will get to the bottom of this and get things turned around for you.

To watch my video on how to build sexual tension, check it out here!


Do you have a question about this topic or your relationship? Send me a message of 2-3 paragraphs explaining your situation for a response. I may also use it in an upcoming post (your privacy will be respected). I must respond to my paying clients first, however. If you would like an immediate response please see my coaching page to book emergency coaching.


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