no longer in love

I Love You Just Not IN Love with You

We’ve all heard the line before, whether it was directed towards us directly or a friend has heard it from his lady;

“I love you, I’m just not IN love with you”.

What she’s really saying is, “Hey, you’re a great guy/great friend and I really care about you, however you’re just not doing it for me any longer. I don’t feel the spark.” She feels affection for you, but the attraction is gone or was never there to begin with. For her, the butterflies in her tummy have flown away.

I Love You I'm Just Not IN Love with You

You’re probably thinking; how do I fix this or avoid it all together? First, let’s take a look at the signs that you’re on the road to hearing this ‘not in love with you anymore’ line. Hopefully stop it from happening dead in it’s tracks before she leaves you for good.

Common Signs She Is Falling Out Of Love

  1. Lack of physical contact and/or sex
    Significantly less sex or none at all is a no-brainer…but have you noticed her touching you much less or not at all anymore? If she does touch you, is it affectionate?
  2. Decreased/Increased arguments
    This could go both ways. She’s either nitpicking every little thing you do or she doesn’t care enough to even bother bringing it up.
  3. Lack of communication
    She’s no longer asking about your day or showing any interest in your life, or your life together. She may have tried to talk to you about issues bothering her before, but she has given up.
  4. Exclusion from activities
    Her plans suddenly do not include you, or you’re included far less than you once were.
  5. There’s no jealousy
    You’re going for a night out with the boys? No problem. You’re hanging with your attractive female friend? No biggie. She doesn’t care much if there is someone else. In fact she may be secretly hoping that you find someone else so she doesn’t have to hurt you by ending the relationship.
  6. She avoids you
    She’s not returning your phone calls, she waits days to respond to your texts, and even then her responses are short and emotionless. She may also be cancelling plans with you, often at the last minute.
  7. You’re not a priority
    You’re pretty much at the last in line of just about everything she does.
  8. Signs of no future
    She begins to say things like, “We have nothing in common”, “We want different things”, etc.
  9. Her appearance with and without you
    She’s showing less of an effort to look good when she’s with you and more of an effort to look especially good when she’s going out.
  10. Overall lack of effort
    She’s just not trying anymore. She has more or less checked out.

Understand that women are emotional beings and they’re typically driven by their emotions. That’s why a lot of times a woman will say one thing, but do another; it’s just how she FEELS. No amount of you using logic is going to change how she feels; at least not in the long term. In order to avoid her from falling out of love with you, or to re-attract her, YOU must look deep into your relationship and fix these behaviors that are turning her off. Asking her is probably not going to get you a straight answer. It’s not that she’s evil and doesn’t want to tell you. It’s because even she is more than likely not sure of the exact reason. To her, she’s just not feeling it. She may know the exact issue, but she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. She does loves you, she’s just not IN love with you. So, roll up your sleeves, head into the proverbial man cave to dissect your relationship and figure out where you are screwing up.

How Women Lose Attraction

Now let’s examine one or some of the reasons why she may have lost attraction for you. Note that some of these characteristics are quite similar or they may overlap, but stepping-up your game is necessary to keep your lady happy and in love. Keep in mind that she may have fallen so out of love with you that there is no hope for recovery, but it’s worth trying. Of course none of this is factoring in abuse or infidelity.

  1. You’re boring/predictable
    You have fallen into a mundane routine. She knows what today, tomorrow and the rest of the week will bring. There’s no excitement and nothing to look forward to. It doesn’t matter who you are, that is just depressing. You need to mix it up a bit. Take her out or plan a trip. Do something fun and creative…surprise her! Anticipation breeds excitement.
  2. You’re needy/clingy
    You’ve become too attached and perhaps even codependent. You can combat this by focusing on what YOU want to do with your own life. Find some hobbies, join a gym, begin hanging out with your male friends and/or expanding your social circle. No woman wants to be the center of your universe. That’s too much pressure for her. By focusing on yourself and having a life that doesn’t include her you will feel freer, as will she.
  3. You’re acting weak
    You’re not being the man that she needs you to be. You’re her rock and if you’re just going along with the status quo she will eventually take control and generally women don’t like taking that responsibility unless it’s necessary.
  4. You’re too nice
    You’re not standing up for yourself! This goes along with being weak. She wants you to take a stand and not be her doormat. How can she trust that you will stand up FOR her if you never stand up TO her? She may push back, but ultimately she wants you to take a stand and be the man she fell for!
  5. You’re too controlling
    Again, this goes along with being weak. You’re insecurities are shining bright and the only way you feel you can control them is by controlling her. By finding your confidence and demonstrating your strength as a man you will not have to control her. She will naturally want to make you happy without you having to ask her…or order her in this case.
  6. You’ve become complacent
    You have been taking her for granted and more of less checked-out of the relationship. Start courting her again, as that part of the relationship should never end. Take her on regular dates no matter if you’ve been with her for six months or 50 years. Also, show her that she’s appreciated for the little things that she does for you and/or your household.
  7. You’re too cold
    You’re not showing her any or enough love and affection. Don’t just tell her that you love and care for her, show her!

Making these changes will not happen overnight, so you must begin now if you want to save your relationship. Game on!

I Can Help You

Has your wife or girlfriend told you that she loves you, but she’s not IN love with you & need some help? Perhaps you are having some other issues with your dating and/or relationships? I can help you. Please visit my coaching page and book private, one-on-one coaching with me. We will get to the bottom of this and get things turned around for you.

Be sure to also check out my recommended reading for further learning about game, women, dating and relationships.


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