she says I'm being too needy

She Says I’m Being Too Needy

Being too needy is a huge turnoff for women and therefore an attraction killer. Most women look for a strong partner they can lean on. So if you’re always leaning on her she might doubt your ability to fulfill that role. So, if she tells you that you’re being too needy, believe her. Keep your emotions in check and don’t get too carried away, too quickly.

she says I'm being too needy

Am I Being Too Needy?

Neediness in a relationship is really a combination of insecurity and thinking too far ahead into the future. This causes women to push you away and distance themselves from you, as it’s a huge red flag that can easily lead to stalking and abuse. It does not make her feel safe and comfortable with you. In fact, women typically find this behavior weak and repulsive. I’ve actually heard quite a few women describe men exhibiting this kind of behavior as “eew!” In other words, being too needy disgusts them. Drop the neediness immediately!

It’s especially important in the beginning stages of the relationship when she has you on probation to see if you’re going to make the cut or not. However, It’s also important to keep your neediness to yourself — or better yet, work on eliminating your neediness all together — when you’re deep into the relationship, whether you’re long term mates or married. If you’re not careful, it’s very possible you will get the dreaded “I love you, I’m just not IN love with you” speech.

Signs You’re Being Too Needy

A lot of men don’t even realize they’re being too needy in their relationship. They believe a relationship should go a certain way and if it’s not that needy behavior starts rearing it’s ugly head. Here are some signs that your neediness is creeping in and probably turning her off.

  • Over Pursuing
    This often includes contacting her too much, whether it be; texting, calling, flowers/gifts, social media engagement and always wanting to see her or be with her. We get it! You really like her. But like anything else great in life you must pursue her in moderation. Too much of anything gets old fast!
  • Impatience
    Speaking of fast, rushing things in the relationship, no matter if it’s sex, relationship labels, talking of marriage and children, etc is a big sign that you’re in a race to the finish line. Typically men do this because they don’t think they’re good enough for her and the need to lock her down before some other guy comes along and snatches her up. She already likes you, so just relax, take it slow and let the good times role.
  • Overly Dedicated
    There’s nothing wrong with being dedicated to your lady, but if it’s too the point where you have no life outside of her and your relationship it’s a sign that you’re too needy. What happens here is that most men typically want to spend all their time with her. They have no friends, no hobbies and expect the same out of her. The danger here is, that any time she may want to do something for herself the guy will get very upset and sometimes guilt her into being with him only. You both need a life of your own outside the relationship.
  • Controlling
    Trying to dictate where she goes, who she sees and constantly checking up on her when she’s away from you then this is yet another sign that your neediness is showing. She’s a big girl and unless she asks for your advice or opinion, she will make these decisions for herself.
  • Constant Reassurance
    You don’t need constant reassurance from her unless you’re needy. You should already know how she feels about you and where you stand by her actions. If you don’t, you need to be paying closer attention and to be more present in the relationship.
  • Overly Affectionate
    This could be anything from over complimenting her to always having to touch her. Yes, women love compliments and enjoy being affectionately touched, but when you do it too much it’s practically smothering her. Take notice how often you’re doing this and look for the signs that you’re overdoing it. If she’s pulling away from you when you touch her or brushing off your compliments, you’re doing too much.
  • Too Emotional
    You don’t always need to tell her how much you love her or voice how hurt you get when she doesn’t say it back. Often times, men whom are too needy start arguments over such silly things. It’s fine to share your feelings with her occasionally, and sometimes she’ll even ask how you’re feeling. There’s nothing wrong with authentically showing her your vulnerability from time to time but again, if she’s brushing off your feelings or changing the subject when you do, you’re overdoing it.

Eliminating Your Neediness

One of the most important qualities you should possess in order to have success with women and your romantic relationships (actually ALL your relationships) is confidence. When you ask women what they want in a man almost all of them will say “confidence” first. It’s extremely sexy and important to them. In order to eliminate your neediness, you must gain your confidence. To gain or build your confidence you must push past your comfort zone and craft a busy, fulfilling life for yourself.

Figure out what you want in life and pursue your goals. It doesn’t matter if your goals are career/business related, hobbies, health, expanding your social circle or even life involving many, many ladies. Write down all your goals and begin to formulate a plan to obtain them. Set small daily goals for yourself and take baby steps. This way it feels like you’re accomplishing something.

This doesn’t mean that you can’t have a fulfilling relationship. It just means that your attention isn’t so focused on a person whom you can’t control, and you’re not relying on that person for your personal happiness. Plus, when you’re happy with your own life most people can’t help but be drawn and attracted to you.

If you need some help getting your neediness under control, or are having any issues in your relationship please visit my coaching page and book a one-on-one email coaching with me and we will get to the bottom of this and get things turned around for you.


Do you have a question about your relationship? Send me a message of 2-3 paragraphs explaining your situation for a response. I may also use it in an upcoming post (your privacy will be respected). I must respond to my paying clients first, however. If you would like an immediate response please see my coaching page.


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  1. […] We’ve all made needy mistakes in our relationships from time to time. It happens. We’re human, after all. It’s not really noticeable to her on a conscious level if it happens once in a while, and it doesn’t have a lasting affect. It’s only making these needy mistakes all the time that it will eventually turn her off and send her running for the hills. One of the most sought after qualities in a man by women is confidence. Being needy, insecure and desperate is the opposite of confidence, so naturally these traits will turn women off. These needy mistakes are subtle and you may think it’s not a big deal. However continually doing them over time she WILL take notice. She’s not consciously keeping score in her head about your needy mistakes. Women are much more intuitive than us guys and she’s picking this up subconsciously. Eventually these mistakes will add up until one day it just dawns on her…you’re too needy. […]

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