You set the tone, she sets the pace

You Set the Tone, She Sets the Pace

In relationships, the masculine role is to lead the interaction between the two. It’s you, the man, who is to set the tone. What I’ve noticed is most men aren’t really sure how to lead the relationship where the couple are both comfortable, happy and in love. He’s able to do it in the very beginning stages of dating, but he’s not sure what he did right in order to maintain it. Eventually his girl becomes bored, starts to pull away and begins acting a bit flaky. As a result, the guy loses his center, begins acting anxious and very different than he did in the beginning. He starts to chase her and she pulls away even more. The power flips and before he knows it, she’s gone or she has fallen out of love. Men don’t realize that it’s their own behavior that caused everything to go topsy-turvy. They believe it’s HER that has changed, but it’s really that he relinquished control and lost direction, causing her to not trust his leadership and to begin to feel unsafe.

Below is how the man sets the tone of the relationship and why it’s important. When done correctly, his girl will naturally follow his lead, but at her own pace.

You set the tone, she sets the pace

You Set the Tone

As a man, you always want to set the tone of the relationship, and that tone should be fun and excitement. That’s really what women want to feel in a relationship; fun, excitement, playfulness, care free and sexy. However, she’s looking to you to make her feel that way. The only way to do this is by you being all those things yourself. You need to take the lead and express your own fun, playful and sexual side outwards, because emotions are contagious. Obviously, things aren’t always going to be sunshine and rainbows the entire time, but this is the tone you want to focus on. The thing is, you need to be cognizant of how she’s responding and you adjust accordingly. As an example, is she following your lead or does she seem a bit reluctant?

She Sets the Pace

You must always be leading, but only at her pace.

A figure in the seduction community, known as Yohami, says it perfectly

You take the accelerator & let her have the brake, but then you drive in a way where she never has to use the brake. She has control, but is never required to use it”

What he means is, that you take the lead and set the tone. Then you gently push the boundaries and if she’s showing signs of resistance, you just back off a bit and try again later. Two steps forward, one step back. When she’s comfortable following your lead, she will. Not only are you taking her for a fun and wild ride in your world, but she’s finding it and you very attractive. Ideally, you want to start the courtship like this and continue throughout the entire relationship. However, If you’ve been in a relationship for a while and things have gotten stale, you can still do this. I guarantee that she’ll notice the changes and she’ll like it. Too many men sit back and expect the woman to do something about it. You should be aware that most feminine women are hoping their masculine man figures it out, then takes the ball and runs with it.

Women don’t want to have to teach you how to be a man.

I Can Help You

If you need help to figure out how to set the tone with your girl, or perhaps you are having some issues in your dating and/or relationship. I can help. Please visit my coaching page and book a private, one-on-one email coaching with me and we will get to the bottom of this and get things turned around for you.


Watch the video version of this article by clicking here

Do you have a question about this topic or your relationship? Send me a message of 2-3 paragraphs explaining your situation for a response. I may also use it in an upcoming post (your privacy will be respected). I must respond to my paying clients first, however. If you would like an immediate response please see my coaching page to book emergency or monthly coaching.


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