playing hard to get

Why Do Women Play Hard To Get?

I was talking to a buddy of mine the other day who has just began dating this girl that he really likes, but she likes to play hard to get. He showed me a picture of her & she’s definitely a knock-out. He’s dated some attractive women in the past, but this one is quite catch for him.

They’ve been on a few dates & there’s a lot of sparks between them, but he’s beginning to get frustrated. He hasn’t been able to get passed second base with her. For those of you who are unfamiliar with first base, second base & so on; it’s just a baseball analogy. In nutshell, what he’s saying is, while the make out sessions have been hot & heavy, she won’t let him get any further. They haven’t had sex.

Then he went on to tell me how she’s giving him all these mixed signals, & the more this happens the more he’s getting frustrated. Little does he realize, the more he’s getting frustrated about her not waving him into home plate, & the more his frustration grows, the more he’s actually pushing her away. In turn, this causes her to give him even more mixed signals, which lessens the chances of him actually sleeping with her.

This friend of mine asked me if I could shed some light on why this very attractive woman–who sometimes shows how much she really likes him, but other times acts like he’s unimportant & pushes him away–plays hard to get.

It dawned on me that when a woman play hard to get, it’s something men universally just accept as part of female nature. It is to some extent, but women playing hard to get is not what most men think. Men don’t realize that it’s typically their own behavior that’s driving women to play hard to get with them. It’s not necessarily women just playing a little game to frustrate men. It can be sort of a game, but most of it is not a conscious game.

play hard to get

Do All Women Play Hard To Get?

Just about every woman, at some point, will play hard to get to some extent. Like I said, sometimes it IS a conscious little game they play, but not usually. When it’s conscious, women are usually doing it because they don’t want to seem too eager, or come across as cheap & easy. Sometimes they do it to see just how much you really like them. In fact, I believe I talked about how sometimes a woman will purposely be unavailable in the very beginning stages of dating just to see if you’ll keep pursuing them. And as you guys should know by now, you DO have to chase a woman a bit in the beginning. It’s your job to initiate the courtship & get it off the ground. A little persistence in this area, at this stage, will not hurt you. Actually, it’s necessary until her emotions are engaged, at which point she will begin to chase you a bit.

But, why would a woman play hard to get, or give you mixed signals, in other areas of the relationship; like when it comes to sex, or just being emotionally unavailable? The answer to that is attraction, or lack thereof.

Attraction Is Key

When a woman has a high level of attraction for you, she won’t confuse you, she won’t be unavailable, she won’t make excuses. She’s going to make her feelings relatively clear, she’ll make herself available. Making excuses why she can’t see you, or take things to the next level won’t even cross her mind; she wants to feel your presence & be as close to you as possible. Just like you when you really like a girl, women don’t want to miss the opportunity. They want to absorb all that is you as much as possible. When a woman has a high level of attraction it’s mainly because you make her feel good & she wants more of that.

I’ve explained this to you guys in the past; you always want to pay more attention to what a woman does, & less attention to what she says. Her actions won’t lie. Of course I’m not saying that women lie to you in a deceitful way, but they will often say or do things in such a way where they won’t hurt your feelings, but it’s not always the truth.

Pay Attention To Her Actions

Women are always communicating to you in one way or another. She communicates through her vocal tone, her body language, her availability, & even the amount of effort that she puts into keeping your interest. These are the types of things you want to be paying attention to more than anything when it comes to determining her interest level in you. This really goes for anyone, man or woman; pay attention to actions more than words. And not just in a romantic context either; in everyday life.

If her actions indicate that she’s just not feeling it right now, don’t push. That will only make it worse. You just want back off a bit & try again later. If she’s still giving you a hard time, then you completely back off & let her come to you. But, how do you lessen the chances of her trying to play hard to get to begin with? As I mentioned, sometimes women play hard to get intentionally as a fun little game. There’s nothing that you can do about that besides not take it personal, & just go about your day. You can prevent much of this from happening by following much of what I teach in my articles & videos.

Be A Little Hard To Get

When you’re with her, just focus on having fun & gently escalating the physical intimacy. Be playful with her, be charming, be  a little cocky in a humorous sort of way. Don’t try to be someone you’re not, but this version of you. You also don’t want to be so available to her. Women don’t chase men who are always available. Only in this case, not being so available isn’t playing games, because you’ll actually be busy focusing on your purpose & goals. See how that works? Men need purpose in their lives, & your purpose cannot be her.

You also want to be a bit of a mystery & a challenge to her. I’ve done videos on both of these topics, which I highly recommend that you watch. Even if you’ve seen them before it can’t hurt to get a little refresher, because a lot of men believe that being a challenge is about being a dick. For the record, it’s not.

Focus On Yourself

Overall, you just want to take her off that pedestal & put your needs first; not in a selfish way. There will be times where you’re going to have to compromise & sacrifice for the overall health of the relationship. However, no matter what people tell you, you have to think of YOUR happiness FIRST. If you’re unhappy & unfulfilled, that will come across in everything you say or do. No one wants to be around someone who is unhappy all the time.

Women, or people in general, may label you a jerk for being this way. You’re not being an abusive jerk, you’re not being selfish, you’re just taking care of yourself & that’s what you’re supposed to do. No one will else will be doing it for you. And by taking care of yourself first, you’re communicating to women, & others, that you have a high self worth & self respect; both qualities that women LOVE in a man.

In Conclusion

For the most part, women aren’t playing hard to get to purposely upset you with what most men believe is her just playing games; though on rare occasions that is true. They will play hard to get because you’ve made it too easy, as a result they’re just not feeling the attraction very much. There’s no urgency for her. When there’s no urgency, she’s not seeing you as having a lot of value in that moment. I say “in that moment” because, her feelings can & will change if you play your cards right.

I Can Help You

Is your girl playing hard to get? Perhaps you are having some other issues with your dating and/or relationships? I can help you. Please visit my coaching page and book private, one-on-one coaching with me. We will get to the bottom of this and get things turned around for you.

Be sure to also check out my recommended reading for further learning about game, attraction, women, dating/relationships.

If you would like to watch my video on this topic, please click here.


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