Men must chase

Men Must Chase Women In The Beginning

Men must chase women initially, in the beginning of the courtship; it IS the man’s job for the most part. I realize you guys have heard me say to NOT chase women, which is true, but when in the dominant role you must take the lead. So, it’s your job to initiate the courtship & to get the ball rolling. In other words, men must chase women a bit in the early stages by flirting with her, playfully teasing her, arranging dates, & ultimately showing her that you want & desire her.

In most cases, women will not be the aggressor when it comes to initiating dating or the courtship. Sometimes they will even purposely play a little hard to get just to see how much you really like her. They will do this by not being too available, whether that be not being very responsive to your calls or texts, or by not being available for dates. In some cases, they may even cancel on a date that you’ve already arranged. See this as a test of sorts. Not only do they know that men must chase women in the very early stages of dating, but they’re judging your level of interest by your persistence.

Men must chase women

Men Must Chase Women Initially

Sometimes you don’t know whether a woman is playing a little hard to get, or if she’s just not interested. Oftentimes, when a woman is not interested, she will not be direct about her lack of interest. Despite what it may feel like at times, women don’t want to hurt your feelings. Better yet, they don’t want to put themselves in a potentially dangerous situation. Some men take it very personally when a woman rejects them & they react aggressively or angrily. Regardless of the reason behind her lack of interest, you have to know if you should persist or not.

It’s important that you pay attention to the signs. As an example, if a woman rejects or declines your date invite twice in a row, that’s a good sign that she’s not interested. However, it also isn’t a definite sign. That doesn’t mean that you should continue to chase her, though. Another example would be, a woman showing you signs of high interest upon meeting her, but once you contact her for a date, she’s unavailable. Does this mean she’s no longer interested? Not necessarily. It could very well mean that she’s testing YOUR interest level.

Persistence Is Important

You don’t want to give up so easily upon rejection. If a woman has shown you interest initially–perhaps by giving you a lot of attention, &/or giving you her phone number–there’s a good chance that she’s just testing you a bit by playing a little hard to get. For one thing, women never want to be seen as easy; they’re very aware of their reputation. They also want to see how interested you are in THEM before they invest in you. Sure, you can give-up & walk away, but if you really like her you may be passing up a great girl.

She was giving you lots of IOIs (indicators of interest) when you met, but now she’s declined on your date invite. Or, perhaps you had a date arranged & she contacted to tell you that she has to cancel. So, what do you do? First, don’t take it personal & get angry. Politely tell her that you understand & that perhaps you can get together another time. Then kindly end the interaction, even if she continues to want to talk to you. I recommend that you do NOT try to arrange another date right on the spot. Instead, you give it about 8-10 days & you contact her again & invite her out with you.

She Declines Again

As I stated above, if she rejects you for a second time in a row, you will not be asking her again. Again, politely end the interaction, telling her to get in touch if she wants to get together in the future. Assume you won’t hear from her again, but you might. By leaving the door open for her & not burning any bridges, some women have been known to have a change of heart later. You really don’t know what’s going with her in her personal life. Perhaps she just broke-up with her boyfriend when you first met her, but her ex came back only for them to break-up again. My point being, she may be going through something that has nothing to do with you. If she does have interest later, leave the door open for her & move on.

don't take rejection personally

Healthy “Chasing” Dynamics

You do NOT want to chase women when they’re putting in little to no effort, when they’re making it extra difficult, giving you excuses, &/or never making herself available. And this doesn’t matter if it’s the beginning stages, or if you’ve been together for 30 years. That’s what I mean when I say that you should never chase women; it’s when they’re not chasing you or investing in you at all.

If you want to put a number on it; ideally, when initiating the courtship & getting it off the ground, you will be chasing her probably 80-95% of the time. However, after a few months, if you’re doing everything right, you will begin to notice that she will begin chasing you more. This is when the chasing dynamic begins to shift, & once it has completely flipped, you really want her chasing you at least 60% of the time. Of course this means that you should be chasing her no more than 40% of the time.

Shouldn’t It Be 50/50?

You may be thinking, shouldn’t the chasing be 50/50? Yes, in a perfect world, it should be 50/50. However, as I’ve said in other videos, women must look UP to her man, in terms of sexual market value, in order to maintain her attraction. You want to be a catch in her eyes. When the chasing dynamic is completely equal, she’s not looking up to you. When you’re chasing her more, outside initiating the courtship, she will be essentially looking down on you, because technically you have her on a pedestal.

And the way women chase is MUCH more subtle & indirect than the way men chase. For the most part, we’re very obvious in the way we chase a woman, but women are typically not as obvious.

Women will more or less find a way to put themselves into your orbit. They will contact you “just to say hi”, or just happen to show up at the same place where you are, or plot out some plan to make sure that you are both at the same place at the same time. From there, they are HOPING you will get the hint & do something about it. So, a women chasing a man is much less obvious than a man chasing a woman.

Men Must Chase Women First

You meet a girl & get her number or arrange a date. The date goes well. There’s a spark & a connection; you clearly like each other. You keep phone or computer contact to a minimum, while arranging a date approximately once a week until she begins to hint or mention seeing you more. You’re not pretending that you’re not interested or that you don’t like her; you’re just not making it super obvious. In other words, she’s pretty sure that you like her, but there’s still a bit of a question mark behind it.

After you’ve been on several dates she will slowly begin to initiate contact with you more & more. This is even more likely if you’ve slept together at least twice. What she’s doing is, she’s hinting at wanting to see you more. In other words, she’s starting to chase you a bit, but it’s very subtle. This is typically a signal that she wants you to arrange a date or getting together in some way, shape or form.

She Begins To Chase You

This is when you can slowly begin to back off on initiating contact with her so much. The chasing dynamic is slowly turning around to where she’s actually beginning to chase YOU. However, it’s still your job to arrange & plan dates, initiate sex, & so on. As the man, you still have to take the lead! However, at this point, she’s making it super easy for you, because it’s really her that’s doing the chasing. You’re letting her come to you at her own pace. When she does, you arrange a date. She’s essentially putting herself into your orbit.

If a woman isn’t putting herself into your orbit, or overtly asking for your time, then she’s not that interested. In rarer cases she’s expecting you to chase her. You can chase her a little in order to get the courtship on track, or back on track, but like I mentioned before, if she’s not putting in effort & making herself available, then you don’t want to be wasting your time. There are plenty of other girls out there that would be happy to make themselves available for you & spend time with you. You don’t want to keep coming at a girl that’s not reciprocating. Just chalk it up to it being her loss & go meet some new women.

I Can Help You

Are you having issues with pursuing a new girl in your life? Perhaps you are having some other issues with your dating and/or relationships? I can help you. Please visit my coaching page and book private, one-on-one coaching with me. We will get to the bottom of this and get things turned around for you.

Be sure to also check out my recommended reading for further learning about game, attraction, women, dating/relationships.

If you’d like to watch my video on this topic, please click here.


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  1. Coach question for you. Would chasing be texting her first?
    As an example I recently went out with a girl from work and I had messaged her first to ask her out. I then texted her the day before the date to let her know I was looking forward to our date. On our date we hungout, held hands, and I kissed her. She texted me when she got home saying she had a great time and we gotta do it again. So the next day I asked for her schedule and we set up another day. So 2 days no contact would you message the girl before the date with reassurance again saying “can’t wait to see you”?

    1. Also she keeps mentioned how she “cannot wait” until we hang. So honestly she might just not like to text first in the beginning because her replies are usually upbeat and make me feel like she cares

    2. In the very early stages it’s typically on you, the man, to do a majority of the initiating. Most women will not do it, except in cases where there’s super high interest…but just because she’s not initiating doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have high interest. If she does reach out first, assume that she wants you to make a date if you don’t already have one. Ideally, I recommend to wait 4-7 days after a date to set up another one, because women need time & space to see how they feel about things…plus it will help with building mystery & anticipation. It’s not necessary to reach out before the date for reassurance, because if done too often she will think it’s you who is looking for reassurance. So, after dating appx one date a week, & as her attraction grows, she will most likely start reaching out to you, because she doesn’t want to wait till the date to connect with you. This often a sign that she’s interested in seeing you more. At that point, even if you already have a date planned, say, in a few days, spontaneously suggest getting together…eg: “I know we have a date on Saturday, but I’d love to see you. What are you doing later tonight? Let’s meet up for a drink.” In this case, now she’s more or less chasing you & all you have to do is read her signals (ie: reaching out to you with enthusiasm) & lead her by setting up dates.

      1. Okay awesome! Just got back from 2nd date, and while I asked questions and let her do most of the talking, it kinda felt “off”. We cuddled a little and I kissed her goodnight but her kiss back was kind of weak (she was also sniffling so she may have just been feeling a lil under the weather). She did text me she got home ok and said thanks for a fun night. My next free day is next Tuesday so I plan on messaging her maybe on Sunday to see when she’s free. One issue I have with this girl is we’ve only just “pecked” and haven’t made out, and I’m getting kind of worried because I don’t want to go too far without getting sexual and I feel like I may be pedestalizing her because she is someone I never thought would’ve gone out with me. Any tips?

        1. For women, getting turned on & sexual is mostly emotional & psychological, as opposed to physical, like it is for us. So, building the tension is what you want to aim for. This video should help: Also, the pedestalizing is hurting you. This is mainly just a mindset shift. Instead of thinking, “I hope she likes me” change it to “I hope I like her”. Instead of, “She’s so beautiful!” change it to “I wonder what else she’s got going for her beside beauty?” See what i mean? It’s exciting when things are heating up with a woman, especially a very attractive one. You just don’t want your attraction & desire to get away from you & run untethered. That’s how men get themselves into trouble.

          1. Welp I texted her 2 days after date #2 saying, “I’m really enjoying getting to know you and would love to see you again.” And she didn’t reply. Not sure if maybe she felt like I pedestalized her last date, or maybe I’m coming off as too robotic only texting her to setup dates. Idk I am really not understanding because we were physical and kissed.

        2. It’s not allowing me to reply anymore, so perhaps we should move this to the main site.

          But for now, don’t end her anymore text messages or try to contact/approach her. If you don’t hear back from her after a week., try one more time. She may just be testing you, which is normal at this point.

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