too much texting is a turn-off

Too Much Texting Lowers Attraction

For many of you, dialing back (no pun intended) your texting habits is going to be difficult to overcome, especially for you younger guys. I know that many of you will use the excuse that, this is just the way people communicate these days. It doesn’t matter if you’re texting, making phone calls or using Morse code; too much texting or over communication on any device is going to lower attraction. That’s even more so the case if you, as a man, are the one doing a majority of the initiating.

too much texting is a turn-off

Pros and Cons of Texting

In the context of dating women, there are good things about texting and there are bad things. What’s good about texting is being able to put a little thought into what you’re going to say, rather than just shooting from the hip. And, as I talked about in my video “How to Up Your Text Game”, it’s easy to create a fun and playful experience, only making you more attractive to girls you’re dating. Then there’s the dark side of texting; if you say something stupid that upsets her or turns her off, it’s saved on her phone FOREVER. She can look back at your dumbass text messages at anytime and be reminded how you made her feel in that moment.

Too Much Texting Lowers Attraction

The other downside of texting is that if it’s overdone, you’re essentially killing the mystery for her. Women love mysterious men and when you’re constantly contacting her through text, you’re filling in all the blanks for her without you even realizing it. She knows everything you’re up to, everything that happens throughout your day and by you responding so quickly to her, she intuitively knows you have little going on in your life besides her. There’s absolutely nothing mysterious about that!

I’ve shared this in some of my videos and articles in the past; studies have shown that women are most attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. Why would women be attracted to that, you ask? It’s all part of the mystery and anticipation she loves so much. It’s exciting! She wants to slowly unravel you, like taking her time opening a wrapped gift or turning the pages of a book. The whole reason for dating is to get to know each other. When she learns everything about you over the phone, she has little reason to see you in person. Women feel validated by the attention they can command from men. They don’t need to sleep with you to feel fulfilled, like it is with us men.

Further Killing The Mystery

Many men continue killing the mystery and lowering attraction by always initiating contact with her. Whether you realize it or not, this is a bit on the needy side. It’s subtle, but still needy. You’re basically putting in extra effort to reassure her and keep things afloat. Plus, on a more subtle level, it communicates that you don’t have confidence in the fact that she likes you. Essentially, you’re communicating that it’s YOU who needs reassurance.

There’s nothing wrong with her knowing that you like her, but she already instinctively knows that you like her just by you asking her out on dates and flirting with her. There’s no need to reassure her even more. Like I said, she wants to unravel that mystery about you. She wants to wonder about you and try to figure you out. Not only does this keep her engaged with you, but it also raises her attraction level. Too much texting and too much initiating contact with her will only hurt her attraction for you. So, you need to keep a little mystery about you, especially when you just begun dating, but also throughout the entire relationship.

Attractive Texting

In the beginning of the courtship it IS important that you initiate contact so you can arrange dates. You cannot expect a woman to chase you when you’ve only been on a couple of dates, or no dates at all; especially before consummation. However, after several dates you will probably notice that she will begin to initiate contact more.

In order to balance things out and to keep yourself from too much texting, let her initiate contact a majority of the time. When she does, you want to keep the conversation relatively short and sweet. Be fun, upbeat and charming with a little playful banter, but then get right to the point. Tell her that you want to see her and ask her when she’s free. This is similar to the old showbiz trick; leave her wanting more of you. She’s going to be excited to see you, she’s going to WANT to reach out to you, because she can’t wait any longer. Let her come to you, and when she does, take the initiative and arrange a date. Then you simply just focus on having fun with her and gently leading things into the bedroom.

This really all you have to do. She will take care of keeping in touch with you and turning things into a relationship, IF she really likes you and you’re doing everything right. There’s nothing wrong with you reaching out occasionally, sharing a joke or a tune, but do it sparingly. She needs time to wonder about you and to miss you. When her curiosity reaches a breaking point, she’s going to reach out to you to connect and get a little reassurance from you. Give her that reassurance with your playful charm and by arranging a date.

I Can Help You

Do you feel that your girl is pulling away due to too much texting? Perhaps you are having some other issues with your dating and/or relationships? I can help you. Please visit my coaching page and book private, one-on-one coaching with me. We will get to the bottom of this and get things turned around for you.

Be sure to also check out my recommended reading for further learning about game, women, dating and relationships.

If you would like to watch my video on this topic, please click here.


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  1. I need help with my girlfriend she makes me feel confused I asked her to move in with me she said yes Her clothes moved in but she never did she lies to me all the time and I told her I was done and that she was a liar she got mad
    islander the car to go to Walmart with her daughter I thought that she was gone for two hours but I did not see her for 24 hours after I was looking for her I found my car she made an excuse of course there’s a lot more to the story What should I do

    1. Hi Jesse. What’s happening here is a combination of things. The hot/cold behavior is indicative of her feeling uncertain about you. Now, obviously I don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors with your relationship, but women usually get like this when the attraction they feel for you is wavering. So, since she’s uncertain she pulls away as a test to see if you’ll react emotionally. When you, as a man, reacts emotionally it actually pushes a woman further away. Most men do react emotionally, because they’re confused & they feel the distance between themselves & their girl. This often causes the man to feel like he’s losing her, but if he responds (not react) correctly this isn’t the case. Women want emotionally strong & confident men. Reacting emotionally & feeling like one may lose his woman communicates the opposite or strength & confidence to a woman. So, I recommend that you stop chasing her &/or pressuring her to move in or to behave in a certain way. Do your own thing & let her come to you. It’s counter-intuitive, but if you’re not chasing her she will begin to see you having more value, which makes you more attractive in her eyes.
      Perhaps some private coaching will help? If that interests you, just click on the coaching tab. I have several options.
      In the meantime, these two videos may help clear things up…
      Why women play hard to get:
      Mistakes men make when a woman pull away:

  2. so what you’re saying no contact to see if she really cares for you drives her crazy
    so how long do I wait for for me to text her back?
    I know she cares for me but I’ve been doing things wrong yes I have been showering her with gifts because I want to see year but more that I see your videos the more I understand.
    So this is what I’m going to do I guess I need to turn the tables around no contact and see what she’s going to do if not well I move on I’m already talking to another woman but my heart is not set on her my heart is set on my girlfriend but she’s playing hard to get I guess
    before the break up I gave her a credit card for her to come home to catch Lyft should I stop the credit card
    Should I become the asshole now?
    we’ve been dating for five months we have not had sex yet
    The reason we broke up was because she kept on making excuses to come to the house she will say yes she’ll come over and never show up spending time with the kids so what can I do To get her back and get into your pants being honest I’m a man

    1. If she actually broke-up with you, then yes…no contact. But it’s important to understand that this does not mean to ignore her, only that you stop initiating contact for now. Women need to wonder about you & occasionally miss you in order for their attraction to grow & be maintained. This will cause her to begin to wonder what’s going on with you & why you’re not chasing her as she suspected that you would. If she loves & values you, she will begin to slowly reach out to you at some point in the future. This isn’t an overnight thing, so you must be patient & stay the coarse. Go out with that other girl. That will show you that you have options with other woman, which will help with any underlying neediness you may have (women are extremely turned off by ANY neediness in a man). When/if she begins to reach out, you want to have a fun & upbeat attitude & then arrange a date. This video will help with that: I also recommend that you check out my playlist for ‘no contact’ videos, as they will answer a lot of your questions. I also have a group coaching event about ‘no contact’ this friday you may be interested in (it’s almost filled up):
      No, you don’t have to be an asshole, just not so nice. You want to start putting yourself first. That seems like you’re being an asshole, but you’re not. And yes, get your credit card back. She broke up with you & is not treating you very well anyway. You never want to reward a woman for her bad behavior, or he will continue doing it.

    2. Before the break up I got her a cell phone and a $300 credit card should I cut both of them off and no contact or should I just leave it alone and no contact meaning not to call or texting

      1. You want to give her the sense that you’re moving on & not looking back. Besides, she’s treating you poorly, & you don’t owe her anything. If that stuff is under your name & you’re responsible for it, then yes, cut it off. Though, you may want to give her a warning (ie: “At the end of the billing cycle, you will be responsible for this since. I’m taking my name off of it”, or something along those lines). If it was a gift, then no. You don’t want to come across like you’re passive aggressive; what’s done is done.

        1. She text me today and she want me to take her to cash a check should I respond
          Back to say ok what should I tell her ?

  3. I applied the no contact rule she contacted me twice very short that’s how I kept it she asked me if I could take her to the bank but I was working late and I did ask her I would like to see her sometime soon And I do understand she has kids but anyway the question is she does not have a car should I go pick her up if she excepts the date

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