I’ve been noticing a lot of you that I work with and talk to that, you’re confusing being needy with simply wanting a girl. These are two completely different things. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with, nor unattractive, about wanting a woman on any level. It doesn’t matter if you want her romantically, sexually, or anywhere in between. You just have to be cognizant of when women are interested in you and not interested in you. You can’t can’t create attraction out of thin air. There has to be some initial attraction already there. When women are not interested and you keep trying, you turn into what they call “creepy”. Before I get off track, my point is, women love to be wanted and desired, but they despise being needed.

Women Love To Be Wanted

There’s nothing wrong or needy about wanting a girl. Women love to be wanted and desired by the men which whom they’re attracted. In fact, you must express your desire for her to some extent in order for there to be a chance for the relationship to grow and be maintained. They won’t stick around if they don’t feel special or feel you don’t want them. You just can’t overdo it and begin to over-pursue her or smother her with your love and attention.

I’ve noticed that a lot of guys are usually one extreme or the other. It’s either they completely overdo it by always contacting their girl, always being available, over-sharing their feelings, showering her with gifts, and so on. Or the other extreme where, men don’t express their interest, usually due to fear of being thought of as being too needy or weak. I’m here to tell you that there’s nothing needy, nor weak, about being attracted to and/or desiring a girl. In fact, studies have found that across all cultures and ethnicities that, women love to be wanted and desire to be desired.

Women Despise Being Needed

On the other end of the spectrum, women despise being needed by a man. The reason why is, because this communicates to her that you’re not confident without her. Women want a man that is confident, happy and driven with or without her; as this communicates that you have a higher value. Women will never be fully attracted to you or in love with you unless she admires and respects you as a man. She has to feel that she looks up to you on some level like, she’s a very lucky girl to have you in her life. If she doesn’t see you in that way, it will never work long term.

Outcome Dependence

The difference in wanting her vs needing her is in the importance that you put on the outcome. In other words, you want to be outcome independent and unattached to where the interaction is going. If you’re attached to an outcome, that’s where you become needy; a NEED for things to happen in a certain way.

As an example, if you tell her that you love her, but you get upset that she doesn’t say it back, then you’re attached to the outcome. If you weren’t you wouldn’t have gotten upset she didn’t return the sentiment. You weren’t necessarily expressing your love because you felt it. You were saying it in order to hear it back, because you needed the reassurance.

If you’ve been dating a girl and you thought it was blossoming into a relationship, but she suddenly went back to an ex. If you’re emotionally destroyed, that’s because you were attached to the outcome.

It doesn’t matter if you’re only upset on the inside, you have to train yourself not to be attached to an outcome. This is part of self confidence and knowing your worth. You’re not going to be able to change this overnight. This all leads to how you should be more focused on yourself, your purpose in life and your own happiness first. That doesn’t mean that you won’t be bummed if a woman you love chose someone over you, or doesn’t meet your expectations. However, It does mean that if that sort of thing happens, you know that will be fine and you’ll find someone else.  You’re the prize and you’re a catch, so why wouldn’t you?

Wanting Her Without Attachment

You always want to remember that women love to be wanted and desired; however you must want and desire her without attachment. A well-known quote from Zen Buddhist, Thich Nhat Hanh says, “you must love in such a way that the person you love feels free”. This is loving without attachment. In my experiences, if you can truly apply this mindset to your own relationship it will be noticeably easier and effortless. The woman in your life will come to you. She will not be able to get enough of you. Of course this is all contingent on you being attractive in other aspects of your life, as well. However, neediness and attachment are one of the biggest turn-offs for women. As I stated above, women love to be wanted, but they despise being needed by a man.

I Can Help You

Are you having issues with neediness? Perhaps you are having some other issues with your dating and/or relationships? I can help you. Please visit my coaching page and book private, one-on-one coaching with me. We will get to the bottom of this and get things turned around for you.

Be sure to also check out my recommended reading for further learning about game, women, dating and relationships.

If you would like to watch my video on this topic, please click here.

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