Her availability is her interest level

Her Availability Reflects Her Interest Level

You’ve probably heard me say at some point that it’s far more important to watch what women do & not so much what they say. Her availability to you is a reflection her interest level in you. Now, I’m not saying what women tell you is worthless, but if she’s not backing up those words with action, then don’t believe her words. Her actions are the real message!

Men take all the heat for lying, but women lie or deceive just as much. And in my experiences, they’re much better at it!

I went out with this girl about 2 years ago & she was telling me that she’s single & how she recently ended her relationship with her ex. She said that she’s ready to get back out there & date again. After our first date she disappeared for a while. Not sure what happened to her, but I wasn’t completely interested, so I didn’t really care that much.

Roughly a year later she reached out to me again & wanted to get together. I mentioned something about how I was wondering what happened to her. She went into this long thing about how she was still living with her boyfriend of 10 years & trying to leave the relationship. She totally forgot that a year ago she told me that it was long over. I found out a few other little lies she told me too. Putting aside the red flags that were popping up everywhere, my point is that just because she’s sweet & cute doesn’t mean she’s honest & can be trusted. I mean, not only was she lying to me, but she was clearly lying to her then-boyfriend too.

What I’m talking about in this post is more about a woman’s actions, because her actions will never lie. As I’ve told you guys before, women follow their emotions; she will act based on how she’s feeling emotionally in that particular moment, which is always subject to change. This is one of the reasons why women often seem crazy to us. So, their current actions will align with their current emotional state.

Now, let’s say you’re finding it more & more difficult to see your girl. She’s rarely, if ever, available for dates. When you do see her, she doesn’t stick around for long. The sex has practically stopped, & there’s little, if any, affection. Her aloofness will often cause men to try harder & make themselves more available. They will be extra sweet & extra nice, all the while they’re only really pushing her away further without realizing it. Now you’re confused & everything is spinning out of control & you don’t know what just hit you. The truth is, her availability will align with her current interest level or attraction for you.

Her availability is her interest level

Women’s Actions Say Everything

If you pay attention to women’s actions it’s actually kind of interesting how well they align with what they’re currently feeling emotionally. If her attraction & interest level is high, she will be super available, perhaps even annoyingly so. At this point she wants all your attention, & if you’re not giving it to her, she will often do what it takes to get it.

When her interest level is high & if you ask her out, she’ll be available. If you want her to come over, she’ll hop into the car & be right over. When she’s with you, she won’t be able to keep her hands off of you.

On the other hand, if her interest level is currently low, she will make excuses as to why she’s not available. She may even try to avoid answering you altogether; that’s IF you can even get a hold of her.

What’s even more interesting, she could have just told you the day before how much she loves you, or perhaps she spent the whole weekend with you & was by your side every step of the way, but today it’s a different story. She’s just not feeling it.

Men Need Abundance

This confuses the hell out of men when women pull away like this. As men, we take words at face value; we mean what we say & we say what we mean. If she just told you that she loves you, but now you can’t even get her on the phone, of course you’re going to be anxious & confused. However, this is the nature of women. They follow their emotions & those emotions are always in flux. This is one of the reasons why it’s so important for men to have other things going on in your life, whether that be your purpose, hobbies, or even other girls if you’re not in a committed relationship. Men need purpose & abundance in their life in order to feel confident & in control.

When you have other things going on, while it may sting the ego a bit that she’s not available when you want to see her, it won’t make much of a difference. You have a pretty full plate as it is. In other words, not only are you being productive & getting ahead in life, but it makes it much easier dealing with these sorts of situations; you’re time & mind is occupied with real productivity & activities. You’re feeling fulfilled whether you girl is making herself available to you or not.

Stop Trying So Hard

When she’s not making herself available, the last thing you want to do is to try harder, or start making YOURSELF more available. This will actually cause her to pull away further. It sends her the message that she controls the frame, & women do not like when they control the frame. Yes, they will try to take control of it, but they don’t really want it. They just want to see if you allow it. It’s a test of sorts.

The more you keep pushing for her time & attention, the more it turns her off. The more it turns her off, the less likely you are to be seeing her anytime soon. Even if you do see her soon, her attraction & interest level will be low. This means it won’t be a very fun interaction. She’ll most likely be cold & distant, & who wants to hang out with a cold & distant woman when you could be doing other fun & interesting activities.

The men who do hang out with the cold & distant woman typically do so as a way to get validation from her. They want to find out where her interest level is, because now they’re nervous that she’s losing feelings. This is just weak behavior & she’ll smell it a mile away, turning her off even further.

Raise Her Interest Level

So, what do you do in these situations, where she’s making herself unavailable, giving you excuses or even outright rejecting you? It’s pretty simple really. Politely tell her that you understand & to get in touch with you when she’s free. Then, you just go about your life & let her come to you on her own time & own pace.

If you have a pretty good relationship you will most likely be hearing from her in the next day or two. But, if your relationship is on the rocks, it will probably be a bit longer. It really boils down to when she begins to miss you & begins to get nervous at YOUR lack of availability. Once that happens she will reach out. Then, all you have to do is arrange a date or get together of some sort. However, you want to be sure that you don’t come across as too eager to see her again.

If you’re getting nervous & feel that she’s losing feelings or her interest level is dropping further, then you’ll most likely be very eager to see her. You must resist that urge! Even if it’s driving you crazy, you want to have a nonchalant, indifferent attitude about it, maybe even not be available yourself at first.

Raise her interest level

Women Want To Long For You

Say she says she wants to see you Friday, but she’s been quite distant & unavailable lately. You could say that you’re busy Friday, but you can see her Saturday. This will just increase the tension, but in a good way. She may get frustrated, but as I always say, it’s better that a woman be a little frustrated about not getting your time when she wants it, rather than her getting burned out by seeing you all the time, or whenever she wants.

Women will never admit to this, but they WANT to long for you, they WANT to miss you! It increases their attraction & obsession, almost creating a pressure cooker. By the time she does see you, that pressure cooker is about to explode. So, you must give her the gift of missing you occasionally.

This is where learning how to control your emotions will really come in handy. In fact, emotional self control will always help you, but it’s especially helpful when you really want to see her & spend time with her, but you need to increase the tension so her attraction rises.

The Medium Is The Message

If you find yourself in a situation where she’s not making herself available, THAT is the message…THAT is where her interest level is at; low. And when her interest level is low, the best thing that you can do is to become scarce. You don’t need to be a dick about it, just make yourself scarce by turning your attention to your goals & hobbies, & being social with your buddies or even other girls.

If she likes you, she’ll be in touch soon. Even if she’s not in touch soon, do you really want to continue wasting your time on a girl who has lukewarm feelings about you? Chasing her or trying to convince her using logic will not work. Women must FEEL the need & urgency to see you, & if they don’t, well, there’s your answer unfortunately.

New Women Are Different

The only time where you handle this a little differently is, if you’ve only been on one or a couple of dates. In this case, her emotions are most likely not completely engaged yet, if at all. Chances are that she’s just not that interested; however, you also may have just caught her on a bad day.

So, if you really like her & want to give it one more shot, then again, just tell her that you understand, & in this case, wait about a week, then get in touch with her one more time & try to arrange a date. If she’s still cold, still making excuses, & still not making herself available, then tell her to contact you when she’s free. Expect to NOT hear from her anymore. Of course don’t contact her any more, because by this time you’ve tried to make a date twice & she rejected you both times. You’re just chasing her if you continue reaching out to her & that will not help your cause.

In Conclusion

Just remember, her level of availability will align with her interest level in you. If you find yourself confused why you’re having a difficult time seeing her, now you know; her interest & attraction is currently low. But don’t panic! USUALLY if you just give her a little space & time, & you let her come to you at her own pace, her attraction will begin to rise again.

Be sure to get yourself out of that mindset where you start to believe that she must be with another guy just because she’s being a little distant. Of course there’s always a chance that that is the case, but that’s typically not the case. By you getting yourself all stuck in your head about the possibility of another guy, you’re going to begin behaving in unattractive ways. That’s just how it is.

I Can Help You

Is your girl becoming less & less available? Is her interest level low? Perhaps you are having some other issues with your dating and/or relationships? I can help you. Please visit my coaching page and book private, one-on-one coaching with me. We will get to the bottom of this and get things turned around for you.

Be sure to also check out my recommended reading for further learning about game, attraction, women, dating/relationships.

If you would like to watch my video on this topic, please click here.


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  1. I’ve been dating a girl for 40 days. we went on 3 dates in roughly 2 weeks. I kissed her on first date and we made out. Then slowly progressing in intimacy based on her body language. First date I made gentle move on her and we kissed. She didn’t want to go past making out. The next day she said thank u for respecting my boundaries. hugging cuddling on 2nd date, second base and intense dry humping, she said she wanted to wait to get naked. So we dry humped on her couch. Between us grinding she climaxed three times in 30 min. We got up bec we both had to work early ( me at 6am) and after we cuddled and composed ourselves, she said “oh we’re gonna have fun soon enough “
    Then her 26 yr old son was diagnosed w testicular cancer shortly after. Had 1 testicle removed and just started chemo for an abdominal tumor. Her texts haven’t been as warm or as often. She’s grown distant and a bit shorter – went a day or 2 without contacting me. I didn’t text or call but on the 2nd day I texted & asked how she was. Just said she’s been very low lately & a lil grumpy. she does reach out to me first just not nearly as much. and she replies promptly to my texts. We saw each other a week ago but I want to give her space but in a kind way. She’s a special needs 3rd grade teacher and seems like a woman w integrity. I’ll go a couple days without reaching out but . Told her if she needs to try to take her mind off things we could get a bite. she said she might be able to but hasn’t suggested we meet up bec she’s spending time w her son. which I totally understand- chemo side effects are horrible. I told her I know you got a lot going on & you’re going through some monumental things. I said we can do something later & let me know when her schedule is more free. She relied :”I will”. But nothing yet. I will text or call after 1-2 days of not contacting, to ask how she’s holding up and ask about her son. Or ask if she needs anything please let me know.
    I called her today after work at 3:00 when we both get off. and she was enthusiastic w me and a lil stressed w end of year conferences. Just talked to her 2 minutes as she was waking into a late lunch meeting w her colleagues. I went a couple days without contacting her but always kind and upbeat when we do talk or text. Is it normal for a woman to go colder & distant after a child’s cancer diagnosis & procedures? Should I wait for her to suggest to meet up? And how should I give her space ? She is taking previously prescribed Prozac. Should I only reach out to her first, every couple couple days and mirror her responses? I feel Iike a selfish ignorant jerk asking if it’s normal to go distant and not wanna see me during her son’s illness.


    1. Women will follow & act upon their current emotional state. So, if she’s going through a difficult time then her general attitude is going to reflect that. Now, since you said for her to let you know when she’s free, it’s best to let her bring it up. You painted yourself into the corner a bit with that. If you run into this sort of thing in the future it’s best to say that you will trey to set up something another time so you have the freedom to give her a little push by asking her out again after a week or so. Since you’ve only been together a short time, I’d stay in low contact with her for now, reaching out every several days…keep the convo upbeat, playful & short. You want to save the getting to know you stuff for dates. If she doesn’t bring up getting together or her free schedule within 2 weeks, then I’d ask her out again, because you don’t waste your time. Women have been known to continue stringing a guy along when she’s getting free attention from him. So you want to avoid that. That’s really all you can do for now. Also, in the future please post these questions on the home page. I usually don’t answer questions in the blog.

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